Contentment

"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased (live humbly), and I know how to abound (live prosperously). Everywhere, and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." ~Philippianes 4: 11-13

        For the past two weeks something has been growing inside me which makes me grumpy most of the time, makes me want to be alone and sulk, makes prayer a chore, and makes 'doing what's right' seem meaningless and unfulfilling. Self-pity and impatience/shortness with others are the side effects, and of late I have grown extremely anxious to know what is at the root.

  Last night I (grudgingly) went to teens with Gina, knowing that I wouldn't have any friends there and that I wouldn't have any fun (there's the self-pity). But in spite of my coming expecting nothing from God, God decided to give me something anyways. The subject of Josh's teaching and our discussion was from Romans 12: 1-2, about taking our thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ. I appreciated that Josh didn't only emphasize the obvious thoughts we ought to take captive: lust, pride, anger; but that he also emphasized thoughts of self-pity, condemnation, and shame that the enemy brings to us but which do not line up with the Word of God.

     Leaving the church, I had a lot to think about, and my sleep was full of crazy dreams. But this morning I was able to think some, and realized that this 'spiritual apathy' I had been feeling ashamed of was not really me--I want Jesus and holiness very much!--but it was the emotion of a heart afflicted with discontent. Rather than be convicted of this, I saw that God wanted to encourage me to take my thoughts captive and to remember how much I do love Him! He wants to deal with my discontent, and I am very glad He does, because I'm very sick of it.

     The great thing about taking thoughts captive is that to do so you have to confront the thoughts with the Word of God. Which means you've got to have the Word of God in you! And so this is another motivation for the scripture memorization that I already wanted to work on this summer! God is a great planner and always knows just what we need.

Home

  I have been back at home for some time now.
     The first week flew by very fast filled with lots of games of Battleship with the little guys, lots of playing music for the family, and lots of talks with Gina late into the night. It is hard in many ways to be back. I have not been used to the boy's romps and arguments--so those things make me upset with them and I often say things I don't mean. I have to get used to ignoring their remarks so that we won't get into any "battles of the wit". I always lost my temper, and Jon and Seth seem to know just what to say to stump me.

       Its been interesting to get to know the family again. My parents are the same, but dearer to me because of the stage of life I'm in. It used to be hard to have to get their advice on everything--these days I really think that I can't do without it!
       Gina is very different. I have to get used to the woman she is becoming, and remember that she's not my little sister that I can boss anymore. We are still so close, and I am so glad of that. She has been a great source of comfort and understanding to me of late.
      Jon and Seth have grown up a great deal in the five months I was gone. They are as tall as me now, very manly and strong, and are starting to swagger around and give their opinions to me. Oh dear.
      Judah and Israel are practically the same. They still are mischievous and clever at getting what they want. They still think they're big enough to take the big boys. And most of all, they still love to play with me, show me their tricks, and ask me to pray for them at night. That time beside their beds is very precious to me--I pray my heart out for them and then get lots of kisses. I wish I could say they went right to sleep after that, but I know I didn't when I was a kid, and neither do they!
      We have a dog now too, named Buddy. He's a big fluffy thing that is very gentle, very friendly, and not at all a nuisance like some dogs. Daddy asked me once, "You don't really like dogs either?" (its a well-known fact that I don't like cats). Well, I must say that if there ever was a pair of dogs I liked, they would be Buddy and the collie we used to have named Dylan. Besides those two, I'll stick with birds.
      Nanny and Poppy are here too. Yesterday, Daddy and the big boys had to take part of our wood fence down and pull their RV through to the back yard because the city said we couldn't let them park beside our house, next to the driveway. So now they are camped in the backyard under a tree and have their own little park to sit and admire from their 'porch'. This park has lots of green grass, a 4' inflatable swimming pool, and a vegetable garden!
Poppy is so wise and Nanny so kind. I love having them here. I have found myself going to Poppy for advice lately, and I've asked Nanny to be my accountability and prayer partner for the summer while I'm gone to Montana. She is very excited about that, to be sure.
    I am preparing to go to a christian summer camp called Trail's End Ranch, but I really wish I knew more details about the job so I could prepare. I know that I will be doing music for the chapel services and that they have a keyboard. I've gotten some music together and ordered a hymnal from Amazon, but I am really going with very little at this point. I don't know what kind of music they like, and I have a feeling that I don't know any of the 'camp songs' that are a lot of fun and that kids love so much.
  I trust though, that as long as I go prepared for anything I'll have a lot of fun and be able to help all the children God sends to talk to me while I'm there. Montana itself should be beautiful; and countryside always rests me up--even when I am hard at work in it.
   God has been doing so much in my heart that I can't even write here. It has been very painful--probably the most painful lesson I have had to learn in my life! But He has been good and gracious to me. My heart is tender before  Him, and while I would like to lock everything away and forget about it, He won't let me. I must go through each little trial He sends, learn the lesson it gives, and make certain that I am wholly His and trusting Him alone for each new day. Please keep me in your prayers this summer.

Devon Avenue

This afternoon I visited Devon avenue--the "little India" of Chicago, where Pakistani Muslims and Indian Hindus live and work side by side. There are a myriad of tiny clothing, jewelry, live poultry, and literature/media shops as well as little cafe's and mini restaurants boasting all kinds of foods and sweets.
        I was there with my Contemporary Islam class; we were taking a field trip to Devon Ave with our Pakistani professor, Dr. Samuel Naaman. We went to the South Asian Friendship Center first to drink some chai--oh, how I loved smelling that strong tea-and-milk aroma! I haven't had chai made quite like the Kenyan chai I experienced five years ago on a missions trip. I was delighted to say the least. Then we sat in the small room where the Center has their Sunday services and listened to David Echols, former missionary in Pakistan and India, tell stories about his own ministry experiences.
        He told us about how there were many Muslims coming to faith in Jesus Christ in India--partly because they are able to relate to the Christians easier than the Hindi's who look down on them and persecute them. He also told us about how he was being persecuted in Pakistan when he and his family began to have so much success at converting Muslims that the activist Muslims became angry, invaded his home in the middle of the night, and tried to rob and kill him. Both times that these men came, the Lord protected the Echol family in a mighty way. Such stories only add fire to the passion that has begun to burn in me for the Muslim world.
        I simply can't wait to begin full-time ministry! Yet at the same time, I know from my reading and studying with Dr. Naaman that I am far from prepared for the challenges of ministry. I don't have the maturity of years and the necessary connections with other like-minded missionaries. I need to form a team, I need to gather support, I need to make myself ready to become a "Muslim to the Muslims" and most of all, I need to begin witnessing to Muslims in Chicago.
     When I read amazing books like Bridges to Islam by Phil Parshall, The Unseen face of Islam by Bill Musk, and Building Churches in Muslim Cities by Greg Livingstone, I see the great need and feel an overwhelming call to Muslim missions. I am getting hundreds of ideas all at one for what I want to do specifically. Yet nothing has been tested by the council of others who have actually done this kind of ministry. I am really excited to see that God has so quickly grown this passion in me, and I know He will send me to the right mentors and programs. He will open doors and close doors.
     So, the purpose of this rant, is to say: "I want to be a missionary!"
And to express some of my wondering where to begin. I wish that Moody--or any other school for that matter--had a program to specifically train students for Muslim missions. I could use anthropology, culture studies, hermeneutics, church planting, language, phonetics, English teaching, more on classes on Muslim beliefs, music, and ways of thought. There is so much that a Bible or Missions major at Moody doesn't even begin to address! I could take a hodgepodge of stuff at Moody--but that wouldn't give me a degree. Hmm. A lot to think about. I don't think a degree is the point--the skills and knowledge is the point. But there are a lot of obstacles to that and if that's where God wants me to go, as I said, He'll have to open the right doors and close the wrong ones.
This is a great God that we serve!

When God lets you drop...

There once was a man who went on a walk in the Grand Canyon. He took a small winding trail off the main venue to get away from the crowds of sight seers and trail guides. Panting for breath after a steep climb he squatted down in the shade of a sajauro cactus. Then he got up to continue his hike, but didn't notice the loose gravel covering the place where he stood. He suddenly found himself sliding on the loose earth toward a precipice. Faster and faster he went, desperately trying to dig his feet into the ground and stop his decline. At the very last moment he reached out and caught hold of a small, wiry bush that had dug its roots in the side of the cliff. His feet continued to slide and soon were kicking and swinging in the air above the drop off. His heart beat so fast he could hardly take a deep enough breath to get out his cry for help. As he clutched the trunk of the bush he cried again and again, "Help! Is anybody there? Somebody help me!"

   Now this man was a Christian. He was very close to God and often heard God's voice. But he had never heard it clearer than in that moment:

  "I'll help you." God said out of the blue sky, "Let go of the bush."

Now, when I first heard this story it was a joke--and the punch line was when the man replied, "Is there anybody else up there?" But instead of laughing, I responded by wondering what I would have done in the same circumstance. So, go with me to that precipice, place yourself in that man's predicament. Feel the strength leaving your hands, hear the cracking of the bush as it begins to give way under your weight. Feel the quiet of the desert, the canyon, the sky--you're alone and no one is coming to help you.

Then think of letting go.

No! 

Your flesh screams it. How could you let go? Isn't that suicide? But also--God could possibly know something you don't. Who do you trust? Your gut--or God?

This reminds me of another story.

There once was a little girl who loved a lion. He had saved her, her friends, and her family from the power of an evil ruler. But since then he had gone missing and they were once again in terrible trouble. They needed his help. Walking through the woods, this little girl and her friends came upon a huge gorge through which a river ran. And it was from the edge of that precipice that Lucy saw The Lion.

You know the story of Aslan and the four Pevensie children from C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia. 

The Pevensies did not trust Lucy that first time and follow her on a path that seemed to them to lead right over the edge of the cliff to a stony death below. But later they learned of their error, returned to the gorge, and in stepping out, found a hidden path they had not seen before. Aslan had known something they did not. 

The same is true for us. 

We walk along in life, confident that our stride will bridge any streams or crevices we meet. Even if we do slip up some we are pretty sure that if we dig our feet in and catch hold of something, we'll come out alright in the end. We are self-reliant, confident, mature.

The Bible says that God resists the proud, and think of all the ways in which God brings life, joy and peace into our lives. If we were missing these blessings, what a miserable life we would have! Yet God will not bless us with his presence or his favor if we lift ourselves above Him in pride. In His mercy He would rather humble us through painful circumstances than to see us outside of His blessing.

And so we find ourself on the cliff edge hanging by our fingertips, and finding no one but God to help. 

"Let go." He says. "Trust me."

Oh, how it burns, our feeling of resistance...the pride welling up inside. Yet, once we release our grip, we find ourself falling, falling and then--BAM--a tough landing on the Solid Rock, our refuge and foundation, which we had not known would be there to catch us. Its at this point that we cry tears of repentance and releif and begin, instead of hating the word trust, to sing hymns like this one:

"Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His word.

Just to rest upon His promise,

And to know "Thus, saith the Lord."

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!

How I've proved Him o're and o're.

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus.

Oh, for faith to trust Him more!"

Thus saith the Lord: "Let go."

Disclaimer

Some of my friends informed me that Google was putting ads up for Buddhist literature and
other such things--so I thought I should post a disclaimer:
 The ads on this account are not modified by the author and do not necessarily reflect
her views and convictions. Please disregard any discrepancy of content and notify the
author if something is particularly offensive--the author will consider terminating
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Thanks everyone!
~Lindsey

Oh How He Loves

I have known God as Maker, Guide, Teacher, and Father. But I have never known Jesus as lover...my Beloved. I always thought it kind of strange for people to think of Him that way.

  

   Lately I find myself glancing up into a chandelier or something and suddenly knowing the warmth of His gaze. Like a girl who glances to see who walked in the door and catches her Significant Other smiling at her from a distance. It makes your heart stop.

  When I feel down about something the Holy Spirit whispers some comforting thing to my heart and I smile a secret smile--knowing something no one else can see from the external--I am in love. 

  Sometimes I share jokes with Jesus. I laugh about something and I know He think its funny that I am humored by something so small. After all, He has a Great sense of humor quite unlike our finite human humor. 

  When I am trying to sacrifice something to Him and feel self-pity I sometimes think He winks at me as if to say, "In the big picture this is so small. You can do it!" Then I smile with Him at my own silliness and the sacrifice becomes so much easier. 

  He loves doing little things to take care of me.  

I had been struggling through some stuff the first week of the tour and had been keeping a record of my thoughts and feelings in a little blue notebook. When I had had enough I finally decided to surrender my struggle to Jesus and woke up the next morning feeling so free and happy and at peace. Well, I wrote down these things in my little book too and finished with the words: "Jesus has covered it with Grace and has given me liberty. I am so happy!"

  Then I set the little book down on the dock I was sitting on. As I did so a huge gust of wind picked up the book and threw it into the water! As I watched it float away I knew that Jesus was saying, "Its finished. You learned the lesson and won't forget it. Let it go."

  It was the most beautiful object lesson He has taught me.

Also this morning we had a really early call time but my room mates and I decided we wanted to get up at 6am and talk a walk to see the sunrise on the bay. My alarm rang at 6 this morning and Jesus told me not to get up yet, so I didn't. I found out when I got up 45 minutes later that it was raining outside and the we couldn't have gone anyways. If I had gotten up I wouldn't have been able to go back to sleep. Jesus knew just what I needed!

There is nothing I can say to express how much I treasure my Savior's love. But, Oh! How He loves His children!

  

Patient Contentment

Dear friends, there is nothing harder than wanting something good and yet having to wait for the right time, right person, right circumstance. Marriage is a beautiful thing that God created for His children and its something He wants to give us in the right time, with the right person, etc. However, as believers, most often our first and most primary task is to wait. Ultimately we wait for Christ's second coming, "Come quickly!" and "Even so, Lord Jesus, come!" are the cries of the apostles.
   I am still just a freshman, and I have always thought it would be wiser to hold off on any serious relationships until I'm close to finishing college. But most of my close companions at school are upperclassmen and have their own love interests. I watch them grow close to each other, I support them with prayer daily, I am constantly reminded of my singleness by their unity. Not that singleness is undesirable. Rather, I haven't yet learned to treasure it. I pray that I may. But the natural desire for a husband remains.
  The council of my friends and parents is golden.
One brother encouraged me with words I will not soon forget: "We must be patient. But we must be content to be patient."
  Also one of the directors told us (in a morning devotional), "The Bible says, "Thy word is a lamp to my feet" not a light beam to the end of life."
  My favorite hymn remains to be, "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
                                                        Just to take Him at His word,
                                                       Just to rest upon His promise
                                                      And to know, "Thus saith the Lord."