Contentment

"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased (live humbly), and I know how to abound (live prosperously). Everywhere, and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." ~Philippianes 4: 11-13

        For the past two weeks something has been growing inside me which makes me grumpy most of the time, makes me want to be alone and sulk, makes prayer a chore, and makes 'doing what's right' seem meaningless and unfulfilling. Self-pity and impatience/shortness with others are the side effects, and of late I have grown extremely anxious to know what is at the root.

  Last night I (grudgingly) went to teens with Gina, knowing that I wouldn't have any friends there and that I wouldn't have any fun (there's the self-pity). But in spite of my coming expecting nothing from God, God decided to give me something anyways. The subject of Josh's teaching and our discussion was from Romans 12: 1-2, about taking our thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ. I appreciated that Josh didn't only emphasize the obvious thoughts we ought to take captive: lust, pride, anger; but that he also emphasized thoughts of self-pity, condemnation, and shame that the enemy brings to us but which do not line up with the Word of God.

     Leaving the church, I had a lot to think about, and my sleep was full of crazy dreams. But this morning I was able to think some, and realized that this 'spiritual apathy' I had been feeling ashamed of was not really me--I want Jesus and holiness very much!--but it was the emotion of a heart afflicted with discontent. Rather than be convicted of this, I saw that God wanted to encourage me to take my thoughts captive and to remember how much I do love Him! He wants to deal with my discontent, and I am very glad He does, because I'm very sick of it.

     The great thing about taking thoughts captive is that to do so you have to confront the thoughts with the Word of God. Which means you've got to have the Word of God in you! And so this is another motivation for the scripture memorization that I already wanted to work on this summer! God is a great planner and always knows just what we need.