This Sunny Struggle

      It is Finals Week. For most college students, this is already the most stressful time of year. It is also spring and while flowers bloom on the trees in the plaza, newly coupled pairs of young people linger under the branches, chatting about non-essentials with a rather unusual interest that is obviously not captured by the conversation. While the weather is growing daily warmer and the sun has decided to spend more time on the job, and less time in its white cloud-stuffed bed, people are finding it pleasant to walk out of doors and explore--especially in a city like Chicago.
     I too have been sucked into this rather delightful and confusing phenomenon of spring. Hmm, but like my professor said, these times are not happy for every one as far as relationships is concerned. There is a lot of break-ups and heart-wrenching at this time as well. We must not forget to mention these unfortunates.
       Broken relationships are not the only rain cloud hanging over the atmosphere, there are many other troubles, finals and juries being two major ones for college students. I have weathered the latter and day after tomorrow will begin my first exam, finishing my finals the next day with another one. This is a small matter in my mind at the moment. Many other things weigh me down whenever I find my mind wandering into their regions.
     First there is a great conflict going on at home which prudence will not allow me to divulge to my readers--but this is not an uncommon plight for students who live far from home and are yet involved emotionally in the trials their family may be experiencing while they are away. Electronic communication very poorly accommodates conversation between people who love each other very much and know each other very well--it often leaves the student with the bare facts bereft of the comforts of "being in this together" and the communal support of the family unit. Thankfully, I will return home in a few days for at least three week's stay and a lot of this difficulty will be removed.
     Secondly, I am learning that ambiguity has a way of saying something specific very loudly and clearly, whereas simply coming out and shouting it to someone might not do the job as well in comparison. Its an interesting paradox. But I am walking it out each day as the semester comes to a close. I may have the liberty to say more about the source of this lesson in future. And while I have been asking God a lot of questions, I have been hearing very few cemented assurances from Him.
      The word of this season seems to be 'uncertainty'--and yet it is very clear to me that things are not truly uncertain; in fact they have been decided upon and plans have been made and very carefully set into play--my uncertainty doesn't cancel the fact that God is very certain of what He is doing, whether He lets me in on the secret or not. This is why I would like to call this semester's close a time of 'sunny struggle'. There is a lot of sunshine about, both literally and spiritually. But I am in a very real, gripping struggle with fears and uncertainties and opportunities to doubt God in every aspect of my life: school, finances, family, relationships, future planning, employment, etc. It is the sunshine in these struggles that is a gift from God which enables me to truly hope in Jesus. The sunshine helps me to set my eyes on Him and decide that perseverance is possible, and the answer, though unknown, is already set into place.
       I love my Lord and trust Him.
       He is the sunshine in my life no matter what season I am walking through!